Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
