I like my sex mixed with concussions.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
