he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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