So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
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Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
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