Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Randomize
