fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
