this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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