Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Never underestimate the power of titties
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
