**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
