well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
