i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
