found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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