Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
