And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
one might say we're banned from that church
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Randomize
