oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
