I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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