Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
