The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
