He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
