I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Operation Purity has been aborted
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
