My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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