Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
