My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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