HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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