I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
You smell like stripper and shame
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Randomize
