If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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