I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
