I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
