shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
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I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
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Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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