Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
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