And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
