She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
My vagina is officially offended.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
