He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Randomize
