im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
