Jerry, you need to find god
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
