this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
