Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
