She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Are my feet made of real feet?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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