She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
