nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
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