No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
How naked do you want me to be?
I woke up under a house in Key West
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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