You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
