Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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