Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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