Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i was born a porn star she said
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
