please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I want a musical about memes.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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