No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
