3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Please, let me fuck your mom
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
