Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
