just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
jump out the window naked night went bad
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