Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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