Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
