I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
My vagina just recognized that song.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
