You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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