Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
