i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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