im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
