Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
