I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
