what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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