just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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