I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
You smell like stripper and shame
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
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