My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
