I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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