did you get engaged???
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Girls should come with a carfax report
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
