The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
