I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
