Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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