Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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