don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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