I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
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