they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
