I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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