When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
third nipple confirmed
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
