see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
