Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Why is there bacon in the couch?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
