apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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